sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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