You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
