her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
