dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
