The best revenge is premature balding
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
