Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
