Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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