I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
