is your mom at the bar?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
this hospital has no fireball
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
