the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
