WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
