i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
