If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
