my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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