I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
