Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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