I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
