So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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