I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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