I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
