He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i've created a new STD.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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