You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
