i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
