Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
