i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
