I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
