wanna go halves on a baby?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
