My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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