Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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