Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
