why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize