our cab driver is having phone sex.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
