How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
