ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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