Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
