I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
