I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
