i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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