So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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