my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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