A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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