Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
