You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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