Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
