listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
