Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
