You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
