i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
