i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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