Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
