you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
