yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
