you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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