Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
