he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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