I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
