my vag is so smooth its legendary
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
