dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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