I could have mohawked her pubes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
