Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize