Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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