one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Houston, we have a blender
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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