I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
