I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
