I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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