the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
