she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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