I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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