Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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