HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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