biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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