I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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