did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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