haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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