my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
