im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize