Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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