yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
